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First Baptist Church
105 Brown Avenue
Belton , SC 29627
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July 2010 |
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Last month's topic was helping your kids stay connected to God. This month, we turn to parent-teen communication, which is notorious for breaking down. But it doesn't have to be that way. With some insight, strategy, and patience, you can keep the lines of communication open with your teenagers, who need you now more than ever.
Most importantly, you must be willing to work hard at really communicating. Because language is always changing, what adults say and what kids hear-and vice versa-sometimes aren't close to the same thing. Be ready to hear things you aren't so sure you want to hear, and listen without getting ahead of yourself when you don't know how to respond.
Although it's a cliche, communication really is a two-way street. The more honest and transparent you are, the more your kids will open up. Maintain an "open door" policy about any and all topics. Instead of pushing for information, share fun activities together so your teenagers feel comfortable about opening up. And assure them that you'll keep what they say private.
Listening well to your teenagers shows that you respect their feelings and value their opinions, even if you don't agree with them. Read on for helpful ideas about keeping the lines of communication open.
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Question-asking guru Les Christie offers these tips for strong communication:
1. Start with nonthreatening, easy, open-ended questions. Ask questions that have more than one right answer, not closed questions, which are leading or limiting.
2. Remember that feelings aren't right or wrong; they just are. Stifle the inclination to shut down, neutralize, or "solve" most negative feelings. Give kids the freedom to say things that may not make sense.
3. Give kids enough time to respond. Remember the advice in James 1:19 to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Don't be afraid of silence. Learn from it.
4. Ask follow-up questions without evaluating. Vary your response pattern, using reflection, summarizing, probing, and comparing and contrasting.
5. Don't ask questions if you aren't ready to listen. Resist the temptation to stop listening when you anticipate what kids are about to say. Listen with your eyes and your heart.
(Group Magazine)
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Check out these communication stats:
* In a survey of 20,000 Christian teenagers, most kids listed "hangout time with parents" as their number-two priority (behind developing a relationship with God). (Group Magazine)
* On average, it takes eight seconds for our brains to process a question and formulate a response.
* Parents eager to stay in touch with their teenagers should consider learning how to send text messages. Nearly one out of three kids ages 12 to 17 sends more than 100 text messages a day. The average adult sends just 10 a day. (Pew Research Center)
* In a study of 3,000 teenagers and their parents, 79% of parents interviewed thought they were communicating with their kids. But 81% of the teenagers said their parents weren't communicating with them. (University of Michigan)
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The healthier the family, the more effective the communication. When communication fails, it usually isn't because of the content but rather the relationship. If we didn't grow up with good role models, we're at risk for passing poor communication skills to our kids. Use these strategies to build healthy communication and relationships.
